The 2006 Gloomy Awards

31 January 2006

Sure, the Oscar nominations came out this morning, but it was a starry night in Hollywood East last night as crowds gathered to see the glitz and glamour of the fifth annual Gloomy Awards. Stars from the worlds of music, film, TV, literature and, yes, the internet all gathered to find out who would walk home with the coveted awards. Everyone who is anyone could be seen walking the red carpet outside Gloomy Pharmacy headquarters, from multiple nominees Madonna and Jake Gyllenhaal to presenters Fiona Apple and Reese Witherspoon. Even Ellen Barkin was there!

And, just as importantly, everyone showed up looking delicious, from Chloe Sevigny (in Matthew Williamson) to Gwyneth Paltrow (who appeared in surprisingly subtle Hussein Chalayan) to Kelly Osbourne (looking rather resplendent in La Perla). And let's not forget the boys! The Gloomys aren't your typical awards show, where everybody from Will Smith to Army Archerd looks identically penguin-like. For one thing, Will and Army weren't even there! Patrick Wolf looked hot hot hot in punky Ann Demeulemeester, Of Montreal's Kevin Barnes wowed in Miu Miu, the boys from Bloc Party showed up in Vivienne Westwood and, oddly, J Lindeberg, while everyone's favorite hottie, Jake Gyllenhaal, appeared in a shiny red leather Oswald Boateng number. The Gloomy Pharmacists themselves looked positively scrumptous in their adorably coordinated Neil Barrett creations.

But it's not just about the clothes. There were awards to be handed out, tributes to Peter Jennings and Pat Morita, and a musical tribute to gay cowboys of the past present and future performed by Vashti Bunyan, The Kills, and Best New Artist winner MIA, respectively. Best Actress winner Dakota Fanning and nominee Sean Cody presented surprise winner Madonna with the award for Best Song, while a tearful Antony accepted the award for Best Album.

Brokeback Mountain won surprisingly few awards (only three), although it did win Best Movie. Director Ang Lee accepted the award despite losing out on Best Director honors to Batman Begins' Christopher Nolan.

In ceremonies presented earlier in the day, the surprise winners for Best TV Show were announced. Antiques Roadshow and Best Week Ever both walked away with Gloomys.

The main book awards went to Jonathan Safron Foer and TC Boyle, while Tom from MySpace (the night's biggest fashion faux pas--he might not be let in next year if he shows up in another powder blue tux) accepted the award for Best Website.

After the awards were handed out, the celebration really began, with after parties all across town. Stay tuned for post-show gossip. Here's the complete list of winners, which will also be posted at gloomypharmacy.com as soon as, um, we pay our overdue hosting fee.

Here's the complete list of winners:


Best Song--Hung Up, Madonna

Best Album--Antony And The Johnsons, I Am A Bird Now

Best New Artist--MIA

Best Pop Song--One Word, Kelly Osbourne

Best Rock Song--Eleanor Put Your Boots On, Franz Ferdinand

Best Dance Song--Hung Up, Madonna

Best R&B Song--Karma, Alicia Keys

Best Rap Song--Fire Fire, MIA

Best Country Song--Little Ghost, White Stripes

Best Compilation--Various Artists, One Kiss Can Lead To Another: Girl Group Sounds Lost And Found

Best Reissue--X-Ray Spex, Germ Free Adolescents

Best Album Art--Antony And The Johnsons, I Am A Bird Now

Best Video--White Stripes, Blue Orchid

Cutest New Artist--Annie

Cutest Not-New Artist--Madonna


Best Movie--Brokeback Mountain

Best Director--Christopher Nolan, Batman Begins

Best Screenplay (Original)--Corpse Bride (John August/Pamela Pettler/Caroline Thompson)

Best Screenplay (Adapted)--Sin City (Frank Miller)

Best Actor--Philip Seymour Hoffman, Capote

Best Actress--Dakota Fanning, War of the Worlds

Best Supporting Actor--Jake Gyllenhaal, Brokeback Mountain

Best Supporting Actress--Bridgette Wilson Sampras, Shopgirl

Best Art Direction--Batman Begins

Best Cinematography--Brokeback Mountain

Best Documentary--Tarnation

Most Desirable Male--Jake Gyllenhaal, Brokeback Mountain

Most Desirable Female--Scarlett Johansson, The Island

Best Song Use In A Movie--Lynyrd Skynyrd, "Free Bird" (The Devil's Rejects)


Best Reason To Watch TV--Twilight Zone marathons on the Sci-Fi Channel

Best TV Show (hour-long)--Antiques Roadshow

Best TV Show (half-hour)--Best Week Ever

Best Show For Kids--Spongebob Squarepants

Best Talk Show--The Daily Show

Best TV Actor--Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report

Best TV Actress--Kristen Bell, Veronica Mars

Best TV Writing--The Daily Show

Best Reality Show--Antiques Roadshow

Best Commercial--Burger King (the David LaChapelle one)


Best Novel--Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close, Jonathan Safron Foer

Best Short Story--Dogology, TC Boyle (from Tooth and Claw)

Best Graphic Novel--Death Note, Takeshi Obata

Best Jacket Design--Candide, Voltaire

Best Young Adult Novel--Shrimp, Rachel Cohn

Best Kids' Book--The Penultimate Peril, Lemony Snicket

Best Art Book--Postsecret: Extraordinary Confessions From Ordinary Lives, Frank Warren

Best Gift Book--The Bob Dylan Scrapbook, Bob Dylan


Best Website--myspace (myspace.com)

Best News Site--ten by ten (tenbyten.org)

Best Music Site--swedes please (swedesplease.blogspot.com)

Best Porn Site--queerclick (queerclick.com)

Best Retail Site--plato (plato.nl)

Best Blog--girls are pretty (girlsarepretty.com)

Best Personal Site--stuff on my cat (stuffonmycat.com)

Best Site Design--bloc party (blocparty.com)

Best Movie Site--moxie pictures (moxiepictures.com)

Best Animation--the meatrix


Honorary Awards:

Best Band That Nobody's Ever Heard Of:
Battle
Caleb
Feathers
The Figurines
Freezepop
Infusion
Le Sport
Le Ton Mite
The Long Blondes

Best Band That's Not New That You Never Heard Before This Year:
Antony and the Johnsons
Amon Duul
John Fay
Francoise Hardy
Bridget St. John

Best Concert:
Antony and the Johnsons in Sydney
Patrick Wolf in Rotterdam (April 15th)
LCD Soundsystem in Rotterdam (April 15th)
Joanna Newsom in Amsterdam (April 17th)
Of Montreal in Providence
Super Furry Animals in Boston
Polyphonic Spree at Across the Narrows
Corcraft, Saratoga Springs

Best Old Movie You Happened To Rent This Year:
After Dark My Sweet
Bright Young Things
Minoes
Salesman
Shaun of the Dead
Zabriskie Point